


Tell me what you want to hear

by someone_worth_racing_for



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Because he wouldn't be able to describe himself nor his feelings, Carlando fight :(, Carlos gets mad at yells at him, I don't know how to describe Lando in this one, Lando thinks Carlos cheats on him with Charles, M/M, and it happens like it has to - Lando has an accident, and then he hurts the one he actually loves the most, but don't worry - there will be a happy end :), everything just became too much for him to handle properly anymore, he doesn't know himself anymore what he actually wants, he kind of has a meltdown when not even a burn out, he sees them hugging and counts one and one together, inspired by requests, or he only sees what he wants to see, they have to race right after their fight, yes he really does
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-16
Updated: 2021-01-16
Packaged: 2021-03-14 11:48:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28794918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/someone_worth_racing_for/pseuds/someone_worth_racing_for
Summary: About twenty laps ago, Lando had seen him in his mirror coming closer and closer and finally he had to let Carlos past him. He had lapped him and maybe, maybe this had also already happened in real life.Maybe Carlos was faster moving forward than him, maybe they didn’t have the same destination any more. Maybe the Spaniard was already one lap ahead in life, while he was still far behind, getting forward way too slowly, while still fighting with himself.
Relationships: Lando Norris/Carlos Sainz Jr
Comments: 5
Kudos: 62





	Tell me what you want to hear

**Author's Note:**

> I have once again got inspired by - this time actually even three at once - great requests I have received on my Tumblr account. I have mixed them together and then this suddenly happened. And I have also got inspired by the great song 'Secrets' from One Republic. That line, which happened to be the title of my story right here, is so powerful in the song, it gives me chills every time.

Lando himself didn’t know what was wrong with him lately, while he did act like he did since weeks and made his own life only way too complicated than it actually had to be. But it wasn’t only his own life he tried to manipulate all successful, when not even trying to destroy it, but especially he made his boyfriend’s life so much more difficult and hard, than he deserved.

Because actually Carlos was a great boyfriend, he really was, and Lando shouldn’t even find one reason to find an excuse his own actions and horrible moods lately, but maybe because Carlos was so perfect, caused him to feel this way. Because Lando was everything, but not perfect.

He also knew it was very unfair from him towards the Spaniard, since he had always been honest, understanding, fair, loving and so protective to him all the time. But still, or maybe because of all those reasons, Lando was kind of mad at his boyfriend. Did that actually made any sense at all?

Back in winter, when Carlos had got the offer from Ferrari, it was Lando, of course it was him, who he told about it first. He tried to make him understand what it would mean for him, for Lando himself, but especially for both of them, if he will sign that contract, what will change in their lives. Carlos also tried to explain to him, that it probably won’t always be easy for them, that maybe their relationship will suffer under it from time to time and that they will both have to make compromises.

In the end, they both agreed to the consequences the new contract will bring with it, they both agreed to for Carlos signing the contract with the devil, like Lando used to call it. But even when he was, like so many others, teasing him about it from time to time, his boyfriend still had his back and full support.

Until the new season had finally begun. Actually Lando still stood behind the decision the older one had done back over already one year ago, but something had changed and he really couldn’t call it by its name, even when he had already tried it so often.

It were probably so many factors all at once. Yes, their relationship had become more difficult and it was also more work to be happy together, but since they both weren’t racing for McLaren any more, things became more and more complicated daily.

Lando barely saw Carlos any more, with travelling between the UK, Italy and Spain weekly. There was so much work to do, for both of them. Then the Spaniard’s new flat in Maranello and Carlos being one hundred percent convinced in learning Italy and the history of Ferrari.

And it became even one time more complicated, when the new season finally began. Being not in the same team any more was horrible in Lando’s eyes. They barely saw each other any more, during the day actually not one time, if only from far away, so they were only able to see each other and spend time together in the evening, when they were all exhausted and tired from their long day.

Because of the still present damn virus also their weekends off weren’t always like they had wished for. There was actually not time any more to calm down, reload the batteries and spend some quality time together.

Additional to that, Lando struggled a lot with the new motors. He just didn’t want to get warm with them and having Carlos not by his side any more, made everything just even worse. All eyes were on Daniel now, the new star of the team.

Lando hated it, even when he actually came along with the so likeable Aussie, but it was different when Carlos was still teammate. There hadn’t been a number one driver, there had always been Lando and Carlos, Carlando. Especially since they had gone official with their relationship.

But Daniel already came as number one driver into the team, even before he had even raced just one lap. So Lando had to prove himself, show them all what he was able to do, fight for the place of the number one driver in their team.

But it really wasn’t looking good for him, because like always he couldn’t deal with the pressure the best way. His first few races were shit, he really couldn’t hear those many, annoying comments from all these stupid interviewers any more, about what was going on with him and that his boyfriend had obviously been too nice to him when he was his teammate, because he did struggle so much now.

Now Lando finally knew how Carlos must have felt back then, when everyone was teasing him about Ferrari and how shit their car was. But not only the media, also his own boyfriend had teased him back then about it all the time and when the young Brit thought about that Carlos would tease him now about being so shitty in races, he would probably have a meltdown.

Latest then, he was sorry for teasing the Spaniard that much back then, but in contrast to him, Carlos could deal with it way better than he did. Carlos was actually also the only one he let close to his side, after another horrible day on the track, because his boyfriend was actually the only one who could deal with his many bad moods and he always managed it to make him feel good again in the end.

Carlos was just always by his side, he always made it to cheer him up after another bad race with just being himself and taking him in his arms, to calm down his tensed nerves and motivate him to go on and try it once again next time.

Actually nothing had changed here even after his move to Ferrari and actually Lando was glad to have someone like Carlos by his side but still, it only made himself feel even worse than he already did.

And even when he knew it was very unfair from him, that it wasn’t the truth and that it really wasn’t his boyfriend’s fault at all, Lando still blamed Carlos about his own failure and mess. In addition to all of the already present disaster, the older seemed to come on clearly well with the Italian car, way better than Lando with his new one and way better than everyone, including Carlos himself, had expected.

Ferrari seemed to slowly but sure come back after their massive way down last year. The Spaniard had already even succeed with a third place this season, while Lando still struggled to even get into the points. Once again everything seemed to work for Carlos, and even when he deserved it, he really did after everything, Lando was still mad at him, also kind of jealous, because no matter what his boyfriend touched it seemed to work, no matter what he did, it succeeded, in contrast to himself.

Not because he didn’t indulge him the success, but.. Yeah. He was at the point once again where he didn’t know how to go on here. He still couldn’t name it, why he did feel like he did or why he was so disgusting towards his boyfriend, even with intention. Lando was a horrible boyfriend and actually he hated himself so much for it, but he still, he couldn’t stop it, he couldn’t control it.

Even when they were only barely able to spend time together, Lando still almost always managed it then to fight with his boyfriend. Mostly about little, unimportant things and sometimes he didn’t even need a reason to start fighting. Carlos was already so tired from it by now, that he simply always said he was right, only to avoid another fight, but it only caused Lando to get even angrier and more furious.

He could tell that Carlos really, really tried it make everything right for him, to give his very best all the time, but still Lando treated him like grab in response. The Spain also didn’t even complain about his many moods any more, even when Lando knew he hated it so much or maybe because he knew so he was that intolerable most of the time.

He somehow wanted to pay it all back to his boyfriend, even when Carlos hadn’t done anything wrong in the first place. Maybe he was jealous about his success, maybe he was overwhelmed, unhappy with his own life, maybe he hadn’t expected it to be that exhausting and hard, maybe he just wanted to take it all back and have his old life back, with Carlos still being by his side at McLaren and them being happy together.

But actually Lando shouldn’t even complain about any of these things, because he had known before what he was getting into here, when they had both agreed for Carlos to sign at Ferrari. But still, all he did lately was complaining any more, because he had expected everything to be different.

And because all that wasn’t already enough, Carlos came along with his new teammate and the pressure that came with having another teammate that didn’t also happen to be your own boyfriend at the same time, way better than Lando did. Of course. Every time Lando saw the two of them together, some kind of earthquake shocked his whole body.

His belly began to knot, his heart dropped, a cold shiver ran down his spine and he could feel how the whole colour left his face. Summarized, Lando was damn jealous. Carlos and Charles were allowed to spend so much time together now, while Lando was all alone and just had to watch them from the distance.

From a far distance even, because the Ferrari garage was so far away from the McLaren’s and because the Renault’s garage happened to be right next to the Ferrari’s, Carlos spent the rest of his time, when Charles wasn’t clinging to his side for a few moments, with Alonso together. And Lando could only watch them once again, unable to join them or to have some alone time with his boyfriend. But when he finally had, he still messed it up. It really didn’t make any sense, but it was already going on like that since weeks.

He missed his boyfriend so much, his old boyfriend, not the new Carlos in red, who had the chance to get on the podium almost every week, who laughed and fooled around with someone that wasn’t him, who had fun and obviously enjoyed his time far away from his boyfriend, while Lando already best wanted to throw up when he only heard the name Charles.

And once again he knew that he should actually be happy for his boyfriend, but in the end he still wasn’t, he just couldn’t, even when he still tried it so hard. Lando himself didn’t know any more what he wanted, because no matter what Carlos did, how often he tried to cheer him up, to make him feel better, it only caused him to get even more annoyed and enraged. He was dissatisfied with his own life and his boyfriend just happened to be his punching bag, even when he really didn’t deserve it.

He was aware about that they both, also or especially Carlos, wasn’t happy in the last time together anymore and it was actually only Lando’s own fault. He also couldn’t remember any more, when they had made love, real love, the last time. It was also kind of his I-want-to-make-you-mad-plan to not have sex with his boyfriend any more, even when his own body did actually scream for attention and he was longing for his touches.

But whenever Carlos tried to just touch him, even when it was nowhere near his middle, Lando shrugged already away, telling him that he was too tired and not in the mood for it. He simply avoided and refused every of Carlos’ tries to just be close to him, even when it was only for cuddling and he actually wanted those touches as bad as his boyfriend did.

Lando wanted to make him so insane and his plan slowly but sure did seem to work, because he could tell his boyfriend was longing for him and at least some closeness already pretty desperately by now, like himself actually, but he still didn’t give in. He wanted to get Carlos out of his comfort zone, he just wanted to torture him, even when he didn’t know himself why he actually had that urge.

Lando was used to have the Spaniard’s whole attention all the time, but since there had been Ferrari, Charles and also Alonso back in his life, he didn’t seem to be the centre of his boyfriend’s life any more. He had always been in Carlos’ focus, but not anymore and he just couldn’t deal with it.

So he screamed for attention with being the way he was to him lately, because he didn’t know how else he was able to help himself any more. Lando was desperately, because he wasn’t used to it and he was also never able to ask for help when he needed.

And normally Carlos always knew it what he needed, when he needed help, but he didn’t seem to understand him and his feelings this time, when he needed him the most. And in the end it only made Lando even more desperately and nasty towards his boyfriend.

But also when Lando was exactly aware about how wrong his actions were, he still couldn’t stop himself, when he narrowed his eyes once again, when he spotted those two red, race suits walking around the paddock. Together again, like always.

But the young Brit’s jealousy reached a new high, when he had to watch how his own boyfriend placed his arm over damn stupid Charles Leclerc’s shoulders and even pulled him into his side to whisper something into his ear, like Carlos had actually used to do, when things were still good between the two of them.

He had to swallow hard to get that tight knot down his throat, while he frowned and narrowed his eyes at the two of them badly and exactly felt how pale his own face became suddenly. Actually Lando should have prepared for the race starting in less than one hour from now on, but it was his habit lately to get outside and look for one of those red race suits. Because he knew, when he spotted one, the other wasn’t that far away.

Yeah, Lando obviously liked to torture himself, but all those times before were nothing compared to the scene playing right in front of his eyes at the moment. His boyfriend and Charles seemed to be so intimate with each other, comfortable, kinda sweet, like the media called them, almost like it had been with them once. Carlando didn’t exist any more, the two Carlitos were the media’s and fan’s favourites now.

And somehow he could understand his boyfriend, because lately it was probably easier, less difficult and more bearable to be with Charles than with him. He knew he had been a horrible boyfriend in the last time, but it did still hurt him like hell to see Carlos with another man, with whom he obviously enjoyed it more to spend time with than his own boyfriend. And Lando couldn’t even blame him for it, but still.

His feelings were already simmering under the surface, but they finally boiled over, when the two Ferrari drivers stopped their way, being still so damn close to each other. Charles looked up at the Spaniard with an expression Lando had never seen on him before, before his own boyfriend, wrapped his arms around him to pull him into a tight hug and if his eyes weren’t making fun of him, he even spotted how Carlos kissed the top of his younger teammate’s head.

That was too much for Lando to handle any more. Tears of hurt, disappointment, shame, but also anger did shine in his eyes, when he quickly turned around to run as fast as possible away from here. “Lando!” Even when he could hear Carlos calling after him, after he had probably noticed that he had been watched them the whole time long, the younger one still didn’t stop his tracks, he just speeded up his ran away.

He literally rushed through the McLaren garage, over the paddock, into the McLaren Motorhome and up the stairs into the safety of his driver room. All what was left of his feelings, when he finally stepped into the small room, was pure rage and dander. He let himself fall on top of his massage table with crossed arms and a big, deep frown on his forehead, after he had slammed the door behind his back shut.

Not even one minute later, someone already knocked at his door. Of course, Lando had got much attention with the scene he had delivered with running through the place like his life did depend on it and tears glistening in his eyes, but to his surprise it was nether Jon nor Charlotte, it was Carlos’ actually so gorgeous but at this moment also so annoying accent, when he asked for his permission to come inside. He was actually the last one he wanted to hear or see right now. Damn, he should have locked his door.

Best Lando had wanted to jump out of his window, if his room wouldn’t have been on the first floor or tell the older one to get the hell away from here, but at the same time he also knew that Carlos will come inside anyway with being way too concerned about him and his behaviour once again, even when it had really been Carlos, who had done something wrong this time.

And like he had expected, a few seconds later the Spaniard’s head already poked through the half opened door, looking him the damn concerned way like he always did in the last time. It seemed to be the only expression Carlos had any more, when it came to his boyfriend, while he was all shiny and smiley when he was with stupid Leclerc.

“Lando.” Carlos began with the same, stupid voice he always used lately, while he stepped inside the room and closed the door behind himself, so they could have some privacy. Because everyone knew about their relationship and Carlos still had a good relationship with McLaren, he was allowed to step into their motorhome whenever he wanted to see his boyfriend.

“Why haven’t you waited for me?” The Spaniard asked innocent, like nothing had happened at all. Because usually they did spend some time together, before every race. Mostly because Carlos needed to motivate the younger one. At least his boyfriend hadn’t even thought about sitting down next to him, instead he kept standing still in the middle of the room and looked down at him in worry, which already caused Lando to almost freak out again. It really needed much body control from him to not burst, while his hands already formed tight fists to keep it together.

“Because I didn’t want to.” Lando answered pertly, before he swung down from the massage table to get even more distance between the two of them, when he stepped on the other side of the already way too small room. The room seemed to be even tinier than usually, because the only other person inside the room was the one he actually at least wanted to see at the moment.

The Spaniard obviously didn’t know what to answer to that, so Lando went on with his meanness, when he told him “You were busy anyway.” And after some moment, his boyfriend seemed to be a bit slow today, he finally got it, why he had really run away and why he acted the way he did at the moment and also why he was in this mood.

“Lando.” That word and the way he pronounced it once again, caused his eyes to roll in annoyance. He was so done with hearing his own name coming from his boyfriend’s lips like that way. “It’s not what you think it is.” Carlos tried to explain, he did sound so tired and also exhausted, after he had sighted and let his shoulders sink, when he got it what was going on inside his head once again.

“Oh really?! But it actually looked exactly like that.” He snapped back, the anger inside his body coming more and more to the surface with every second his boyfriend was looking at him that damn annoying way. Just his presence alone was actually already annoying enough for Lando to get mad again.

“Please, let me explain. It really wasn’t like..” But Carlos didn’t even get the chance to clear the situation, when Lando interrupted him with that condescending voice of his. “No! There is nothing you need to explain. I got it already. Yeah, you obviously enjoy it more to spend time with your perfect and so gorgeous teammate instead with your own boyfriend. If that’s what you want then alright. Go ahead, go to him and finally leave me alone. I can’t see you anyway any more. Why don’t you finally admit it that you cheat on me?”

At the one hand, Lando had really exactly meant what he had said, but on the other hand his own heart was screaming inside his chest at himself to shut the fuck up. Instead, he should finally tell his boyfriend the truth, that he still wanted and needed him so badly and that something was obviously really wrong with himself. And especially he should finally tell him again that he still loved him with everything he had.

But it was already too late for that. Lando couldn’t take those words back anymore and after he had treated his boyfriend that disgusting way all the time, he didn’t even give him the chance to explain or better to talk any more, it was more than understanding that also Carlos finally had enough. Yes, even for the Spaniard there was a point where he didn’t let himself treat like that any more.

But about what Lando really wasn’t prepared for was Carlos’ voice. He had always waited for a change in his voice, to finally stop to sound always that worried, actually also still calm after everything, whenever he talked to him, but this change was more than just drastically and Lando had also never heard his voice like that before nor had he every seen his boyfriend in that state, when he yelled from the volume of his lungs at him.

“STOP IT! STOP IT FINALLY! I really can’t hear your stupid, offensive comments any more! It’s enough! I have already told you so often that there is no need to be that jealous all the time! There is nothing between me and Charles, don’t you want to get it? I really don’t know what to do with you any more! Tell me what you want to hear from me!? Tell me, because I really don’t know what to do or say any more!?”

Shocked, simply shocked and perplexed Lando stood there in the corner of his driver room and looked up at his boyfriend with big, helpless eyes. Never before he had heard Carlos yelling like that, nor seeing him that furious. It really needed him, his own boyfriend, to get him into that state, even when the Spaniard still hadn’t done anything wrong the whole time long.

Because if Lando was serious, Carlos had only been Carlos, when he had placed his arm over Charles’ shoulders, probably being only kind, supportive and motivating to his younger teammate, like he had always been around him. It was only his way of being and actually it was the one thing Lando admired about his boyfriend the most.

Lando’s throat suddenly felt all dry and his vocal cords didn’t seem to work properly any more, when he only stared up at his boyfriend, whose head had turned into a dark red shape, because of his yelling and his eyes had changed into pure darkness he had never seen in them before.

If the younger one was serious, he was a little scared at that moment and he could also already feel those hot tears burning in his eyes, because he could never deal with it, when someone was yelling at him like that and he was also never able to have a fight like this one with someone, because he just couldn’t contradict or yell back.

So Lando kept quiet and only stared up at his boyfriend with lightly parted lips and glassy, big eyes. He didn’t know what will come next. Maybe Carlos will grap him on his shoulder and shake him finally back to his senses, Lando actually wouldn’t even be mad at him for it, but maybe he will also do something else with those fists he had formed all tightly next to his sides. But also then, Lando would have probably understood it, because he really deserved it after everything.

Maybe Carlos will keep on yelling at him, until he will be crouched together like a miserable heap in the corner, and still he would have deserved it all. But to his surprise, none of that happened, when Carlos’ tensed shoulders did shatter, his fists loosened and instead he rubbed with his palms all helpless over his face.

“I really can’t go on like that any more. I can not.” The Spaniard whispered with a shaking voice. Actually it should have been the moment for Lando to step forward, to get one step towards to his boyfriend, wrap his arms around his belly, trying to comfort him, telling him that he was sorry and he should please stop to worry, because he really hadn’t done anything wrong at all, but even when he exactly knew what he should actually do, he still kept standing still in the corner right where he was.

Watching all helpless how Carlos broke down right in front of his eyes and he just stood there, not knowing what to do or what to say. The whole anger from the last few months was suddenly gone from one second to the other, when he saw his boyfriend like that and he finally got it what he had done to the man he actually loved the most.

Suddenly, like this situation constricted his throat, Carlos pulled his hands away from covering his face, before he hastily teared open the door next to him to get out of here. In that split second Lando had been able to see his boyfriend’s broken and with sadness filled eyes and then his own heart finally stopped to beat completely.

He hadn’t only managed it that Carlos had got damn angry like he had never seen him before, Lando had also even made it to make him cry, because of him. That realization finally brought him back to his senses, even when it was already too late for that anyway, because Carlos was already through the door and stormed downstairs and out of the motorhome, but still he tried to follow him and to hold him up with calling his name. But it was already too late.

“Lando? Are you okay?” Jon’s worried voice got to his ears, after he had looked at the direction his boyfriend had left so fast like his life did depend on it for minutes. Maybe it actually really did by now, because Lando really wasn’t good for Carlos any more.

He finally got to the realization that it was pointless to follow his boyfriend, because he didn’t want to see him anyway now and he was also already gone to where he didn’t know.

Of course, his trainer and probably everyone else inside here had heard Carlos and had probably also seen him running out of this place all upset and broken like that, with those thick tears glistening, he had caused deep inside his eyes. And like Lando himself, they all had also never heard Carlos in that loud, angry voice ever before, until a few minutes ago. Lando had really managed it to make him that mad. Great job, he told himself, because he had finally got it what he had wanted the whole time long, just to realize that it was the worst thing ever.

The young Brit let his head fall forward in desperation, but still he nodded his head to Jon’s question. “Do you want to follow him?” His trainer suggested well-meant, but to his surprise the younger one only shook his head and said with a small, thin voice “No. I wouldn’t know what to say anyway.”

It was quiet between them, while Lando still looked at the direction his boyfriend had left him, hoping, wishing for him to get back and fix things again, like Carlos always did, like only he could. But he didn’t come back and finally with some tear shining in his own eyes as well, Lando turned around to face his trainer, when he whispered “I have messed it up. I have really messed it up this time.”

“Oh, Lando.” Jon tried to comfort him with laying his arm over his shoulders and pulling him into his side. “I’m sure you haven’t. It’s probably the tension before the race. Everything will look different in a few hours. I’m sure about that. Just talk to him, but after the race. We really have to start our preparations now.”

One hour later Lando already stood in front of his car, waiting for to finally be allowed to get inside, but even more he was waiting for his boyfriend to come over and wish him good luck and telling him to stay safe like he always did, but not today.

Carlos had ignored him completely since their fight, he hadn’t even looked into his direction for one time during the nation anthem. Desperate Lando looked forward into the direction of his boyfriend’s red car, still hoping for Carlos to give him that kiss onto his forehead, while he was holding him close, before they both had to get into their cars.

Lando was way too ashamed, he also still felt way too stupid and too cowardly to go over to the Spaniard himself, wish him good luck, wrapping his arms around his belly and telling him to stay save. He was too afraid about that he would push him away, in front of everyone, in front of all those cameras.

From P15 Lando watched how Carlos finally really got into his car without coming to him before the race like they already did so since the beginning of this season. He couldn’t believe it, it did hurt so much and caused tears to well up in his eyes once again.

“Lando, it’s time.” He could hear Jon right behind him, laying his hand supportive on his shoulder, because he also knew that Carlos won’t come over to his side any more. Reluctantly Lando finally did what they all expected, what they all wanted him to do, when he finally got into his car with a tear rolling down his cheek under his helmet.

Like already so often this season, his start had been horrible and also the rest of the race really wasn’t one of his bests. He was currently P12, still far away from any points and that probably also won’t change any more, because there were only five laps to go any more.

Luckily, because if he was serious he just wanted to get out of this damn car as fast as possible, run over to the Ferrari garage and finally talk to his boyfriend, telling him how damn sorry he was and begging him to forgive him and his terrible being and moods lately.

About twenty laps ago, Lando had seen him in his mirror coming closer and closer and finally he had to let Carlos past him. He had lapped him and maybe, maybe this had also already happened in real life.

Maybe Carlos was faster moving forward than him, maybe they didn’t have the same destination any more. Maybe the Spaniard was already one lap ahead in life, while he was still far behind, getting forward way too slowly, while still fighting with himself.

That realization had almost caused him tears once again, making his view blurry, but Lando bit down all harshly onto his lip then and cursed at himself to keep it together. He had to race here. The rest he needed to sort out after or even better be a good boyfriend for once, like Carlos deserved it already the whole time long, then he wouldn’t even be in this current situation.

Three laps before the finishing line the safety car came out and Lando really couldn’t suppress to roll his eyes in annoyance, because he really only wanted to get out of this damn stupid, slow car finally.

Maybe because he was with his thoughts already more by Carlos and their coming conversation later, he got inattentive and careless, when after the safety car was gone and he picked up speed again, he hadn’t noticed that the cars in front of him were still way too slow.

And the last thing he did remember about was that everything went black from one second to the other.

* * *

Lando struggled to sleep properly. He must have had a nightmare or something, because he felt pretty unwell, almost out of place, when he got thrown out of his dreams. Actually he was happy about it, because whatever he had dreamed about, it had caused him to sweat a lot in his sleep.

He was feeling hot and cold at the same time, the cool sweat on his back let him shiver badly. He also felt kind of dizzy and actually also a little sick. Lando thought his legs and arms didn’t belong to him any more, when he couldn’t move them at all , which caused him to panic slowly but sure.

Actually he couldn’t move just one limb and even though he also couldn’t move his head, that sharp, pulsing pain sent very aching stitches against his trembles. What the hell had he dreamed about that he still felt like right in one of his nightmares?

Actually he couldn’t even tell any more where exactly he was. Was he already back home in the UK after the last race or was he still laying inside his hotel room bed? By that thought the younger one got it, that he actually also couldn’t remember any more about the end of the race.

Everything was so blurry and he also wasn’t sure if those scenes inside his head had really happened or if he had only dreamed about it. Desperately he tried to remember again, to remember about how he got to here, how the race had ended, what had happened before the race and-

From one second to the other, he could suddenly remember again, he could remember about everything again. About in what bad mood he had once again been that morning and also when he had got outside onto the paddock and had spotted Carlos and Charles together.

When he had run away from his boyfriend to hide inside his driver room like the coward, little kid he actually was and then their fight. Carlos yelling at him from the volume of his lungs, because he had enough of him and everything that came with him in the last time.

Lando could also still remember those tears he had caused deep inside his boyfriend’s eyes, when he had stormed out of his room, to get far away from him. How he had felt later when he hadn’t come over to him and wish him good luck and to stay safe like before the race.

Lando could finally also remember about that at least and didn’t matter how that damn race had ended, he really needed to get out of here, search for his boyfriend and beg him on his knees to please give him another chance to make things good again between them.

But no matter how hard he tried it, Lando just couldn’t move even one inch. Desperately he yelled at his own body to finally do something, but all he could manage was to move his head, which did hurt like hell and he hissed out in pain.

He could exactly feel the sweat pearls building up on his forehead, but still nothing happened. Lando began to panic. He needed to get to Carlos, he needed to talk to him and fix things before it was too late, but why didn’t let his own body do him so? What was wrong with him?

In the end he was already that desperate and scared, because he still hadn’t his own body under control, that he called for Carlos, because he will know how to help him, he will know what to do like always. Hopefully his boyfriend was somewhere close and hadn’t already left him forever.

But even when he already screamed his name from the volume of his lungs, the young Brit felt like his yells got muffled somehow, like there was something around his mouth and also nose, but he couldn’t push it away, because his hands were still laying all useless and limp next to his sides, almost like something was holding him back.

Because he was still all alone, no one was close and able to hear him, especially not Carlos who was probably already on his way back to Spain, alone, without him, tears of angst and desperation did build up in the corner of his eyes. But he still kept on calling his name, because it was the only thing he could do anyway.

And then, just when Lando had already wanted to give up hope, he could hear it. He could hear him. First only very quiet, almost inaudible and far away he could hear Carlos’ already so familiar Spanish accent calling his name in return.

“Carlos! I’m here! Please, help me! Don’t leave me!” Lando tried to scream back and really, slowly but sure his boyfriend’s voice got louder and louder, but only then Lando got it that it wasn’t his familiar Spanish accent he was used to.

Carlos’ voice didn’t sound that soft, lovely way any more, whenever his own name came over his boyfriend’s plump lips. No, his voice did sound pretty shaking and thin, like he was very worried about something, when not even scared.

And the louder and clearer Carlos’ voice became the more other noises Lando was finally able to make out again, after laying in complete silence for so long. Actually the room he was obviously laying inside was way louder than he had expected. Especially there was this one annoying sound, right next to his right ear, which did almost hurt him.

And then Lando could suddenly also feel some parts of his body again. Something was really holding his hand back, almost squeezing it and he didn’t know if his feet or his head did hurt more and he wished to feel and hear nothing again, because all those impressions were too much for him at the moment and he just wanted to be back asleep again.

He whimpered and cried because of the pain those new impressions caused his body, he didn’t know how to deal with them. But then he could hear Carlos again and he knew that no matter how horrible he felt, he had to get to him and finally talk to him.

But the pain was almost unbearable, even when he still hadn’t moved at all. Because of the pain rushing through every part of his body, he pressed his eyes closed all tightly, so the tears welled out of the corner of his eyes and he suddenly felt like suffocating, when his sobs let his pain destroyed body shake.

“Carlos.” He cried once more in desperation, because even when he had tried it so bad, he still couldn’t get away from here. He had to wait and trust for Carlos to come and pick him up, pulling him into the safety of his arms and telling him that everything will be good again.

“Lando. I’m here, mi amor. Open your eyes. Please, open your eyes.” He could suddenly hear him begging right next to his ear and just then the younger one noticed that until now he hadn’t even tried to open his eyes.

His eyelids felt like stones were laying on top of them, when he finally tried it to open them a split. The bright, sharp light did hurt badly, causing him to press his eyes closed again and cry out in pain, but Carlos’ soft voice finally talked him into to try it once more, when he whispered softly while he could feel him moving through his curls all softly “It’s okay, mi amor. Everything is alright. You don’t have to be scared, I’m here right next to you.”

More careful than before, Lando gave it a second try and after he had blinked a few times to get used to the bright light inside here and his vision wasn’t that blurry any more, he could finally see him again.

Carlos, sitting there right next to him, holding tightly onto his hand, while he still gently stroked through his curls, but that kind of expression Lando had never seen on him before.

His boyfriend actually looked horrible, he had to admit, like he hadn’t slept since a half eternity, like he had cried through the last few days, all red and swollen, he obviously also hadn’t shaved since a few days, even when the last time he had seen him he had been freshly shaved.

And right then Lando remembered again what he had to do, what he actually wanted to tell his boyfriend since he had run away from him. “Carlos.” He tried to say his name and Lando himself was surprised about how weak his own voice did sound and then it still felt like his words got muffled once again.

But still the Spaniard seemed to have understood him, when he suddenly began to shine, while tears were still running down to his chin and he could feel him squeezing his hand even tighter.

“I’m so sorry.” The young Brit tried to say, while he could feel his own tears building up, just seeing the older one so emotional. “It’s okay, mi amor. Don’t speak, save your strength, after everything, after your fight.” Because Lando didn’t know what he was talking about, he just wanted to ask him so, when suddenly he needed to cough badly.

He couldn’t stop and it became that bad, that even when he still couldn’t sit up, he was at least able to finally use his hand again, when he noticed that something did indeed cover his nose and mouth and he desperately tried it to get it away to finally breathe properly again.

“No, mi amor. You need to leave that on.” Carlos did pretend him from pulling it down his face just in time, before he told him “It helps you breathe, mi amor. Try to breathe calmer and slower. It’s okay. Yeah, like that. Everything is good, I have got you.” The Spaniard tried to calm him down with laying his palm right on top of his chest where his heart was racing inside.

Slowly Lando did clam down again and his breathing steadied, but soon he really asked himself where he actually was, before he dared to look away from his boyfriend’s eyes to take a look at the room he was laying inside.

Even when he hadn’t said one word, Carlos had still got his shock of reality, when he instantly told him what had happened “You are in a hospital, mi amor. You had an accident, but don’t worry, you will be alright again. You just need some time to recover, that’s all. And now you should also get better right back to sleep, it will do you good.”

“But..” Lando tried to interrupt him, but his boyfriend wasn’t ready to anything else than an agreement to his suggestion. “We can talk later, mi amor. You really need to rest now. Don’t worry, I will stay right next to your side and watch out after you, okay?”

Finally, Lando could just node his head in agreement, while he could already feel how his eyes got all heavy again after the whole excitement. Agreeing he finally nodded his head, but still he tried to reach out for the older one, who took his hand instantly in both of his all tightly.

“You are so brave, mi amor. Thanks for coming back to me. I love you so much.” Carlos whispered, while tears already fell down his face like raindrops and he squeezed his hand all protectively, after he had kissed his fingers long and softly in gratefulness. And in the next moment, Lando’s eyes already fell shut.

* * *

He instantly knew he already felt better, at the moment he slowly woke up the next time. Even when this time Lando was able to move his whole body since the moment he had opened his eyes, from his toes up to his nose, he didn’t feel that much pain like last time.

Also the annoying mask was finally gone and the room he was now laying inside looked different from the last one and also the light wasn’t that bright any more. But to his surprise, the chair to his right was empty. Carlos wasn’t there like he had promised and Lando almost began to panic, when his eyes caught something all curled up on the small couch in the corner of the room.

“Carlos.” It was not more like a weak rasping that left Lando’s dry throat, but even when his boyfriend didn’t wake up from it, something did move on the other side of the room and after he had slowly turned his head to the noise, he saw Jon coming closer to his bed, looking more than just happy and relieved to see him finally awake.

“Lando. Hey, welcome back. How are you feeling?” His trainer whispered carefully, but with a big grin on his lips. He obviously didn’t want to wake up Carlos still softly snoring in the corner, but he also didn’t want to make Lando’s headache even worse than it already was.

“My head still hurts like hell, but I think I’m alright.” He told his trainer sincerely, before Jon smiled gratefully down at and carefully laid his hand on top of his shoulder in a well-meant gesture. “I’m happy you are feeling good so far. So you don’t think you need any more painkillers?”

Carefully, because just the thought about any too quick movements, caused his pulsing head already to hurt even more, the young Brit shook his head, but still he asked for something else “Can I have something to drink? I feel like I haven’t got just one drop down my throat for days.”

“Sure. One second.” Jon promised, before he hurried over to the small desk to fill a glass with some fresh water. Lando took it down in one go, almost a little too hastily, because his body seemed like it couldn’t handle the amount of water running down his throat and he also really felt like he had just run a marathon, when he handled the now empty glass back to the older one.

Just everything was so damn exhausting, even the smallest movements. “You know, actually you weren’t that wrong with not drinking anything since days.” Jon finally admitted, after he had placed the glass onto the small table next to the bed and sat down on the chair close to Lando.

The younger one frowned at him, not understanding his statement fully, because he couldn’t remember about what had happened, since the race was over. “Do you remember about the accident?” Slowly Lando shook once again his head, before he told his trainer

“No, I can’t remember about the accident. Was it in the race or after?” Understanding Jon nodded his head, before he went on “It was in the race, at the very end actually. After the safety car was gone again.” Oh yeah, about the safety car Lando could remember, but not any more when it had left the track again nor what had happened after. Everything was just black.

“There was a big crash with many cars involved. You crashed into George and Antonio and then some flying around part of some car hit your head, you fainted and finally crashed into the wall.” With big, shocked eyes Lando listened to what his trainer did tell him here, but still he couldn’t believe what he heard. Especially because he was talking about him, whom had happened that.

“How are George and Antonio? Are they also here in the hospital?” Lando wanted to know worriedly, because he would have never forgiven himself, if something should have happened to them because of him, even when he had been fainted at that point.

But thankfully Jon shook his head, before he explained to him “No, they were able to leave the hospital again hours after the crash. They are all good, don’t worry. The only one you should actually worry about is yourself. You really scared us all, Lando.”

And even when it was really never his intention that anyone had to worry about him, he still felt all guilty and sad about still causing so much trouble and drama, once again. With a still sorry look in his face, he looked over to his boyfriend still sleeping on the couch and it brought already tears into his eyes, just thinking about how damn concerned Carlos must have been about him all the time.

The Spaniard was just always, every second of his life, worried about him and Lando also knew that he best wanted to wrap him in some bubble wrap and keep him safe at any cost, but even when Carlos had tried it so bad to keep him safe, this all here still happened.

And Lando felt so bad, because he already knew right then that Carlos took most of the blame on himself, even when he really couldn’t have changed it nor prevented him from having such a bad accident.

“You should have seen him running down the pit lane with still his red race suit on the second he jumped out of his car and got to know you were involved in the accident. I have never seen him that worried and nervous before. You would have made so much fun about it him.”

Also Lando had to join his trainer smiling for one brief moment, before his gaze wandered over to the Spaniard once again and the smile quickly faded away when he really imagined Carlos like that. Lando could remember about what had happened before the race, about what he had said to his boyfriend, about their big fight.

“He is still here. Even after everything.” Lando whispered more to himself than to Jon, while the first tear rolled over his cheek. “Of course, he is still right next to your side. He loves you, Lando. You exactly know that.”

“But after everything I have done to him in the last months, after all those nasty things I have said. I have treated him all unfairly, Jon. I have treated him like crap and he is still here. I wouldn’t have been surprised if he had left me or if he would never want to see me again.”

“Do we really talk about the same Carlos here? Lando, look. I don’t know what has happened between the two of you, but nothing and no one would have been able to separate him from you in the last few days, and I really mean what I say. Carlos hasn’t left your side for just one moment. The first two nights he hadn’t slept for one second, this right here is actually the longest he had slept since you are here. We had to force him to eat something or just get out of his race suit. Believe me, when I tell you that this man right there still loves you more than his own life, no matter what has happened between the two of you before the race.”

Understanding Lando finally nodded his head, while tear drops ran down to his chin. He hadn’t only been lucky to have survived that accident, but also to have someone like Carlos right next to his side and who loved him more than words will ever be able to describe.

“Has he said something to you?” Lando asked with a small, lightly embarrassed voice, while just thinking about that maybe his boyfriend had told anyone about their fight or his impossible behaviour towards him in the last time. “No, Lando. Don’t worry. He didn’t have time for anything else than to worry about you since last Sunday.”

Now he also had to smile as well again, just like his trainer, who tried to cheer him up a little. Of course, Carlos would never talk with someone else about what had happened between them nor would he never say anything bad about him, no matter what he had done or said.

Jon then told Lando about his injures, how much longer he still had to stay here in the hospital and what hard work it will be for him to get back right where he had been just a few days ago. It will be a very long and hard way and even when not even one week ago Lando would have completely freaked out about that, he was all calm now and only relieved about that nothing more had happened, because after what he had heard from Jon, he could call himself lucky to actually still be alive.

And Lando was really grateful about that and also about being able to get all healthy again and of course especially about his boyfriend still being right next to his side and that he hadn’t left him all alone, like he had actually expected him. “I will let the two of you alone now. I bet Carlos will wake up soon, it’s the longest nap he had taken since we are here. But you should also rest a little more.”

After Jon had made sure Lando was alright and didn’t need anything more, he left the couple alone. The young Brit tried to make himself comfortable, while he never took his eyes away from his so peacefully slumbering boyfriend. Carlos was always so adorable when he was sleeping.

His lips did look even thicker, while he had formed that big pout, squeezing his cheek against the small pillow underneath his head. His long eyelashes lightly moved, while being far away in the land of dreams. It calmed Lando while he watched his trained body raise and fall under his deep, regular breaths and also his soft snores he was already used to.

And it once again showed the younger one, how fond of his boyfriend he actually was and how lucky he could call himself to have him. Carlos will take the best possible care of him, Lando already knew that now and with him together he was sure to get his old self again.

But it was still a long way back, but as long as the Spaniard will be with him, he knew he will be able to do it all. But first he had to make things good again, to apologize by the older one, telling him how sorry he was and trying to be the best possible boyfriend he could manage, because Carlos deserved it.

Listening to the Spaniard’s soft snores and breaths, calmed Lando that much that he also closed his eyes again and almost drifted off into sleep a few times, but then Carlos finally began to move, slowly waking up from his nap.

“Finally you are awake, sleepy head.” Lando teased from where he was still laying in his bed and watching with a smile on his lips, how his boyfriend tried to rub the sleep out of his eyes. Like he wasn’t the one, who had been asleep for the last few days.

Carlos instantly stopped all his movements, the second his voice came to his ears and he first blinked at him all perplexed, still sleepy and lightly confused from just waking up, before he quickly jumped up, way too fast when he almost fell over his own feet, to rush over to get to his side the fastest way.

“Lando. Mi amor, since when are you awake? How are you feeling? Are you in pain? Do you need anything? Why haven’t you woken me?” The younger one was able to stop his train of concerned questions, when he reached for his hand and tried to secure him quickly “Carlos, it’s okay. Calm down. Jon was here when I woke up about an hour ago. I’m alright, better than last time. The pain is also bearable and Jon has already given me something to drink, so I’m good. Don’t worry. And because Jon told me you haven’t slept that much in the last days, I wanted you to rest some more. Have I answered all your questions or did I miss one?”

A big, lightly teasing smile did spread out onto the young racer’s lips, he always adored it when his boyfriend was all worried about him and way too protective, it made him feel very safe and so loved, but at the moment he didn’t want to see him that concerned about his being, he probably had already worried enough over the last few days. When also Carlos got it, that he had been once again too solicitous about his little one, he had to smile about his own exaggerated behaviour as well.

“I’m sorry, it’s just that.. I was so worried about you all the time and now seeing you being awake and already all teasingly and cheeky again.. I’m just happy to see your beautiful eyes again, I have missed them so much. That’s all.” Carlos whispered down to him with already some clear tears glistening in his eyes, while he gently moved with his fingers through Lando’s messy curls.

“I’m also very happy to see you again, even when I’m actually a little surprised about you being still here.” Lando admitted already lightly embarrassed. He was never good at apologizing nor saying he had done something completely wrong, but he really had to this time and he needed to make it good again, right now.

“Where else should I be, mi amor?” Carlos asked back in confusion, while he eyed him closely. “I have thought you would have left me, after the fight we had before the race, after everything I have said and done to you in the last time. I have treated you horrible, I have been a despicable person lately and I’m sorry about that. I have never wanted to hurt you in any way, I actually also don’t know why I have been like that to you. I’m probably the worst boyfriend ever.”

Lando didn’t know why he had to laugh about that, because there was actually no reason for it, instead he should better feel sorry or ashamed about everything, but that was just his way how he tried to deal with such situations. Smiling, where he shouldn’t.

He also couldn’t look into his boyfriend’s eyes any more, too afraid about what he will find in them. Maybe Carlos will leave him now, after he had made sure he was alright or at least still alive. He really wouldn’t be surprised about it, because he himself wouldn’t know if he would have been able to forgive himself after everything.

But luckily Carlos was different, he was ready to forgive, when he placed his index finger under his chin to lift his head, so their eyes could meet again and instead of disappointment or sadness, Lando only found pure love and affection in his already so familiar, pretty brown eyes, shining down at him and also his lips had formed one of those gorgeous smile, which always caused a warm shiver to run down his spine, whenever he looked at him like that, before Carlos told him sincerely

“I would never leave you, mi amor. You know that. No matter how often we fight or argument, I will always come back to you. Don’t worry about that any more. It’s okay, it’s over. And you really aren’t the worst boyfriend ever. You are actually the best boyfriend I could have ever asked for. It was maybe just a little difficult in the last time with all those changes, that’s all. That really doesn’t make you a bad person or a bad boyfriend.” Carlos took his hand away from under his chin, when he was sure about that Lando will hold their eye connection now, before he stroked with the back of his fingers over his warm cheek.

Suddenly the Spaniard’s expression did change drastically, while he still looked down at him, and when he finally continued, Lando got to know why “I’m so sorry about yelling at you and then running away without talking about it. I’m sorry you had to get into the car like that and also for not coming over and wish you good luck like before every race. Maybe it’s my fault you crashed, because I didn’t tell you to stay safe outside there.”

“That’s bullshit, Carlos. You know that. It’s really not your fault at all. It was an accident. Don’t think about it any more that it was all your fault, because it really wasn’t. If someone needs to apologize then it’s me. I have hurt you, on purpose all the time with my actions but also with what I have said to you. I’m sorry about saying you cheat on me with Charles. It’s stupid I know, but I’m so damn jealous whenever I see the two of you together. I’m jealous about Charles because he is able to spend so much time with you now and get all of your attention. I just miss being your teammate. I obviously really need to finally grow up.”

“But, mi amor. There is really no reason for you to be that jealous. You know, Charles has a girlfriend and I would never ever cheat on you. And even when he and I spend more time together with being in the same team now, you are still the centre of my life. You still get all my attention and affection. There will never be anyone who only comes close to replace you. I want you, Lando. Only you and I promise you things will change in the future. I will try to spend more time with you again and be there for you when you need me, but you have to trust me.”

“I trust you, Carlos. I really do, but I think it’s my turn now to be there for you once, after everything you have already done for me. I was so ignorant and selfish all the time. It was totally wrong from me. I will really try to be a better boyfriend from now on, someone you can count on, someone who will always be there to support you, someone who gives you back all the love.”

“But you already give me so much love, carino.” Carlos whispered, while looking deep into his clear eyes, right into his soul. “And I promise to not ever yell at you again. It was just that.. You know, Charles has told me that on this day his father has passed away and I just felt like he needed a hug at that moment. It was really nothing to worry about, mi amor.”

Great, now Lando felt even more stupid than he already had before. If he had let Carlos explain back then, everything would have turned out differently, but he only saw what he wanted to see. For him, there hadn’t existed another reason for them hugging than his boyfriend automatically cheating on him.

But what Carlos then added, really broke Lando’s heart. “And then you said I cheat on you. I have to admit that it did really hurt. You can believe me, mi amor, I would never do that to you, because I exactly know how it feels to get cheated on. It’s a horrible feeling I really don’t wish anybody. I have promised myself to never do this to anyone, especially not to you, Lando. It did just really hurt to hear that coming from your lips, because it would be the last thing I would ever do to you.”

Carlos usually never talked about his past relationships, because he didn’t want to hurt Lando in any way, so the young Brit hadn’t known about that part of his past and he really asked himself now, who was able to cheat on someone so perfect like Carlos. It must have been a complete idiot and now Lando also finally understood, how he had managed it to make his boyfriend that angry before the race and finally also to tear up. Actually he wasn’t any better than that idiot.

And still Carlos was here right next to his side, had forgiven him and was still holding his hand all tightly and protective in his. “I’m sorry about that and also sorry for calling you a cheater, even when I actually exactly knew already back then that you would never do that. I just hope the accident brought me finally back to my sense again.”

Carlos returned the gifted smile of forgiveness, but still Lando asked carefully, while looking up at his boyfriend through his lashes “Are we good again?” The Spaniard only squeezed his hand even tighter, before he brought it closer to his lips to kiss his fingers in affection “We were never not good, mi amor.”

Lando beamed up at his boyfriend all happy and grateful, before his teasing-self came back on the surface once again, when he told the older one “You need to shave. Your beard is scratching.” Carlos really had to, because he obviously hadn’t shaved since days. Lando couldn’t even remember any more, when he had that much facial hair the last time.

“You better stop teasing, because you don’t look any better yourself.” Carlos backfired easily and only when Lando moved over his own chin, he remembered about that not only his boyfriend hadn’t shaved in the last few days. “You still look pretty handsome by the way.” The Spaniard added with a wink, which caused Lando to roll his eyes in response, still not being able to take any compliments from him even after all this time.

“Can I kiss you, even when I will probably scratch you a little?” Carlos asked for a kiss, something he hadn’t done since a longer time, because usually he gets himself what did already belong to him anyway. Urgently Lando nodded his head in agreement, because he also couldn’t wait any more to finally feel those soft lips against his own again.

Carlos’ and the tip of his own nose still touched, when he pulled away again and whispered against his still from the kiss lightly wet lips “I love you so much, carino. Please, don’t scare me like that ever again. I have really thought I would never be able to tell you how much I care about you again.”

“I promise, it really wasn’t my intention for you to worry about me that much. But I would still have known what I mean to you anyway, cause you tell me so every day of my life, I was just scared we can’t sort things out any more, before it will be too late. But we could and I also promise you to not ever fight before a race again. I just love you too much to do that to you ever again.”

Silent tears fell down their faces, while they looked deep into each other’s eyes while giving each other those promises. While Carlos tried to whip his boyfriend’s thick tears away from his cheeks, Lando asked with big, puppy eyes “Can you lay down next to me, please?”

Of course the Spaniard didn’t let himself tell so twice, he needed the body contact as much as Lando did after everything, so he carefully took place right next to him in the actual way too small bed. But they didn’t care, as long as they were together, the space didn’t matter.

Gently Carlos wrapped his arm around his boyfriend, so Lando could cuddle into his side and pure by the contact and warmth. They were laying all quietly and peacefully like that for a while, until Lando remembered about something else from their fight. Something that didn’t want to leave his mind any more.

“Carlos?” He asked carefully and after the older one had hummed in response, Lando dared to ask “By our fight, you have asked me what I want to hear. Do you still remember?” Carlos probably won’t ever forget their first real fight, especially because he had yelled at the younger one, even when Lando hadn’t known about what had happened to him in one of his past relationships. He didn’t have a clue, but still he had yelled at him and he was still very sorry for that.

“Yeah, I do. But please, don’t think about it any more, mi amor. Except there is really something you want to hear?” Carefully Lando tried to support himself, before he turned around to look up into his boyfriend’s eyes, when he finally told him the truth about his fears over the last few months.

“I need to hear, that you won’t leave me, even when I will mess it up. When I won’t be able to get the car under control, when I fail all the way, when I won’t be able to give my best all the time, when I maybe won’t get back to where I have been before the crash. I need to hear that you will still choose me, no matter how many Leclercs will come your way. I need to hear that you will still love me, no matter what will happen. That’s the only thing I need to hear to feel safe. You are all I need, Carlos.”

“Oh, carino.” The Spaniard whispered in affection, while he pulled him even closer and kissed all lovingly his forehead. “Why haven’t you told me so any sooner? I have always thought you know that I won’t leave you no matter what. Actually I have begun to believe, that you don’t want me any more, because I couldn’t make you happy any more. I’m sure you will get the car under control soon, it just needs some time to get used to it and then you will show them all again what you are able to do. And even when there would be a football team of Leclercs around me, I would still only chose you. All over again. I will stay by your side and together we will make it, carino. You will see. But first of all, you need to get all healthy again. Stop worrying, because you won’t ever get rid of me any more. I promise.”

Lando smiled into his boyfriend’s shirt, while he could feel the next wave of tears building up in his eyes, but this time he tried to swallow them down, because there was no reason for him to cry. Carlos just promised him to stay by his side and love him forever, everything he had always wanted and needed to hear.

“I love you, Carlos. So much.” The younger one whispered, while he cuddled himself even deeper into his side and wrapped his arm all tightly around his belly. “I also love you, mi amor. To the moon and back. Try to get some rest now, I won’t stop holding nor loving you for one second.”

And with the knowledge that Carlos won’t go anywhere without him and that he was safe as long as he was wrapped in his arms, Lando already drifted off into sleep, while Carlos still kissed the top of his head.

**Author's Note:**

> So, what do you all think about this once again "little" OS right here? 👀
> 
> Can you understand or even follow Lando's way of feeling? I think it was actually really never his intention to hurt Carlos on purpose, it was just his desperate cry for help, even tho the boy really needs to learn to say out loud what he needs instead of torturing himself and also his boyfriend like that.
> 
> And I think it really has to mean something, when Carlos starts to yell at you. I really can't imagine him being ever like that. I admit I prefer protective Carlos more than angry Carlos, but I guess I'm not the only one here 😉
> 
> I still hope you liked or maybe even enjoyed my story and how it turned out in the end and thanks again to the anonym requests for inspiring me! ❤️


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